Panic attacks can hit like a wave, overwhelming both the person experiencing them and those around them. If you’ve ever had to support someone who’s in the midst of a panic attack, you know it can be an emotionally charged and challenging experience. You want to help, but what’s the best thing to say to someone who’s panicking?
It’s a delicate balance. The words you use or don’t use can either ease their distress or unintentionally escalate the situation.
In this blog post, I’ll guide you on what to say when someone is panicking, how to navigate the situation with empathy and care, and also highlight common mistakes that people make when trying to calm someone down.
Through examples and practical advice, you’ll feel more prepared to offer meaningful support when it’s needed most.
Why It Happens and How It Feels
Before jumping into the responses, it’s important to understand the nature of panic and what someone might be going through. Panic attacks aren’t just “feeling anxious” or “being nervous” they are intense, overwhelming episodes that can make a person feel out of control.
The physiological response to panic often includes increased heart rate, shortness of breath, dizziness, or even chest pain, which can mimic a heart attack.
This is why people who are experiencing panic attacks often believe they’re in real danger, even if there is no immediate threat.
Panic doesn’t always have a clear trigger. Sometimes, it can occur out of nowhere. This makes it all the more crucial to respond with patience and understanding, rather than trying to immediately “fix” the situation.
It’s not about making the panic go away instantly it’s about offering comfort and validation, so the person feels heard and supported.
What to Say: Compassionate Responses That Can Help Calm Panic
When someone is panicking, the right words can make all the difference. Below are examples of supportive things to say, along with tips on how to phrase them in a way that fosters calmness and reassurance.
1. Acknowledge Their Feelings
One of the most comforting things you can do is simply acknowledge what the person is going through. Often, people in panic feel dismissed or misunderstood. Letting them know you see and hear their distress can provide a sense of validation.
Example:
- “I can see you’re feeling really overwhelmed right now. It’s okay. I’m here with you.”
- “It’s okay to feel like this. I’m right here, and you’re not alone.”
2. Offer Reassurance
People in panic often feel as though they are in immediate danger, so reminding them that they are safe is essential. Your goal isn’t to downplay their feelings but to help them realize that the panic is temporary and manageable.
Example:
- “You are safe. This will pass.”
- “I’m right here, and you’re going to be okay.”
3. Encourage Slow Breathing
Breathing exercises can help regulate the body’s response to panic. Gently suggesting that they take slow, deep breaths can help shift their focus and begin to calm their body’s physical response to panic.
Example:
- “Let’s take a few deep breaths together. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Just like that.”
- “Breathe with me slowly in, slowly out. You’re doing great.”
4. Guide Them Back to the Present Moment
Panic can distort reality, and the person may feel disconnected or detached. Gently bringing their attention back to the here and now can help them regain some control.
Example:
- “Can you feel the ground beneath your feet? Focus on the sensation of your feet touching the floor.”
- “Let’s focus on the room around you. What do you see? What colors or objects can you notice?”
5. Be Patient, and Let Them Know It’s Okay to Ask for Help
Sometimes the best thing you can say is, “It’s okay to need help.” This opens the door for them to accept your support without feeling like a burden.
Example:
- “Take your time. I’m here for you when you’re ready to talk or if you need something.”
- “You don’t have to go through this alone. I’m here if you need anything.”
Common Mistakes to Avoid When Supporting Someone in Panic
While it’s natural to want to help, some responses can actually worsen the situation or make the person feel misunderstood. Below are a few common mistakes to watch out for:
Telling Them to “Calm Down”
It’s almost reflexive to tell someone to calm down when they’re upset. But for someone experiencing a panic attack, hearing “calm down” can feel like an invalidation of their very real distress. It can make them feel like they are not allowed to have their feelings, or that they are overreacting.
Instead, try offering support with phrases like:
- “I know this feels overwhelming, but I’m here with you.”
- “I’m not going anywhere. You’re safe.”
Minimizing Their Experience
Telling someone to “just relax” or “it’s not that bad” can make the person feel dismissed. Panic attacks aren’t about “not being able to handle stress”—they’re physiological responses that can be scary and hard to control.
Avoid saying:
- “This isn’t a big deal.”
- “You’ll be fine. It’s all in your head.”
Instead, acknowledge the panic and focus on the person’s experience:
- “I understand that you feel scared right now, and it’s okay to feel that way.”
- “I’m here with you, and I want to make sure you feel supported.”
Offering Solutions Too Quickly
While you may want to offer solutions to help “fix” the panic, it’s better to focus first on emotional validation and then, when the person is calmer, suggest coping mechanisms. Jumping straight into solutions can feel overwhelming when someone is already struggling.
Instead of saying:
- “You need to do [this] or [that] to fix it.”
Say: - “I’m here for you, and we’ll take this one step at a time together.”
Rushing to “Fix” the Panic
Panic attacks are often not something that can be immediately fixed. The desire to fix everything as quickly as possible can sometimes worsen the situation. Remember that it’s okay to let the person experience their emotions, as long as they know you are there to support them.
Table: Key Do’s and Don’ts When Helping Someone in Panic
| What to Say | Why It Helps | What to Avoid |
| “I’m here with you.” | Offers reassurance and presence. | “Just calm down.” |
| “This is temporary, you’ll be okay.” | Provides hope and alleviates fear. | “It’s not that bad.” |
| “Let’s breathe together.” | Helps regulate breathing and body responses. | “Why are you freaking out? It’s not a big deal.” |
| “You’re not alone. I’m here.” | Reinforces support and companionship. | “You just need to calm your mind.” |
| “Take your time. I’m here whenever you’re ready.” | Gives the person space and control. | “Snap out of it. You should be over this by now.” |
How to Help in the Long Term: After the Panic Has Subdued
Once the panic attack is over, it’s important to offer continued support. If the person feels ready, you can help them reflect on what happened in a calm, non-judgmental way.
You could ask how they’re feeling now and whether there’s anything you can do to make them more comfortable in the future.
Some people may also appreciate having a calming routine for future attacks deep breathing exercises, grounding techniques, or simply knowing that someone is there to talk to.
It’s also important to check in with them in the following days to make sure they’re okay and to offer continued emotional support.
Many people feel exhausted after a panic attack, and they may appreciate your presence as they process what happened.
Conclusion
Supporting someone who is panicking requires patience, empathy, and understanding. Your words matter, and the way you approach the situation can either help the person regain control or increase their distress.
By acknowledging their feelings, offering reassurance, and guiding them through grounding techniques, you can be a calming force during an overwhelming experience.
Remember to avoid common pitfalls like minimizing their experience or rushing to “fix” the situation. The most important thing is to let them know they’re not alone, and that you’re there to support them no matter what.
- Acknowledge the person’s feelings and let them know they’re not alone.
- Use calm and reassuring language to guide them through their panic.
- Avoid dismissing their experience, minimizing their feelings, or offering solutions too quickly.
- Offer continued support after the panic attack subsides.
Frequently Asked Questions
What should I do if someone is hyperventilating during a panic attack?
You can guide them to slow down their breathing. Encourage them to inhale deeply through their nose and exhale slowly through their mouth. It may also help to count breaths with them to give them something to focus on.
How can I prevent a panic attack in the future?
While you can’t always prevent panic attacks, developing relaxation techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, or meditation can help reduce their frequency. Encouraging someone to seek therapy or support groups can also be beneficial.
Should I call a professional if someone is having a panic attack?
If the person’s symptoms seem severe or they have a history of panic attacks, it’s always a good idea to seek professional help. However, most panic attacks subside on their own after a few minutes, and you can help calm them in the meantime.
